


Knowledge.

by alecgbane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 08:07:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecgbane/pseuds/alecgbane
Summary: Remus always knew that Sirius would be the one to break him.





	Knowledge.

He knew back in fifth year. It was Christmas break and only two of the Marauders were staying. Sirius, after hearing Remus was not going home for the holidays, decided to stay too. As much as he loved the Potters and going to their house, he preferred to make sure that no friend of his spent such glorious time alone. Or so he had told Remus.

At first, Remus enjoyed the idea of being alone with his best friend. They could play some pranks, read muggle romantic novels (Sirius’ guilty pleasure) and just appreciate the presence of the other. But when Remus realized that he knew, his whole world collapsed

He knew because of Sirius’ small smile every time Remus came up with a new idea for a prank; it was almost indiscernible, it looked more like a grimace than anything else but Remus was aware that it was more than that. It was Sirius’ way to unwittingly show affection.

He knew because of the way Sirius would caress his hair when they were by the fire of the Common Room, each of them reading their own copy of Madame Bovary. Remus wondered if Sirius noted what he was doing, or if he was just doing it from habit.

He knew when Sirius looked at him like he had never done before. It was a look of fondness, even adoration. Remus wondered what he had done to deserve someone as whole as Sirius, who had many flaws but Remus was conscious that the way he loved, so uniquely and loyally and purely, was his biggest virtue.

And then he was assured that he knew when the break was over and it all went back to normal. He knew when Peter and James were back and suddenly Sirius stopped giving him that small smile, stopped touching him at all and stopped looking at him as more than a friend.

Remus knew.

* * *

He knew when they shared a bed together for the first time, during their sixth year. All of the Marauders were aware that Sirius had awful nightmares that prevented him of having a proper sleep some nights. But none of them knew about Remus’ nightmares. They were the reason the werewolf would wake up sweat-soaked almost every night. He had been careful to surround his bed by Silencing Charms since their first year. He had asked Flitwick to teach him, explaining his situation and not wanting his new dorm mates to find out the reason of his screaming late at night. The teacher had empathised and agreed to do it. It took Remus one month and a half to learn them and thenceforward placed them around his bed.

One night, though, Remus was too exhausted to do it and fell immediately asleep the moment he touched the mattress. He woke after three hours of sleep, forcefully fidgeting and emitting loud moans of pain. He had been dreaming about Greyback biting him again and then his father, his mother, James, Peter, Sirius…

He knew when he felt a soft but firm hand on his shoulder. He knew when he looked up and met Sirius’ grey, beautiful eyes. They were looking at him with that look that was able to disarm Remus and turn his insides to jelly. There was worry in them, too. They didn’t say anything, Remus just moved and Sirius lay beside him, his hand now holding Remus’ callused one. They dozed off like that.

He knew when he woke up and admired Sirius’ sleeping form. His mouth was slightly opened, his breathing coming out in swift motions. His long hair covered his side of the pillow. His hand was no longer holding his; instead it was around his waist, holding him in a tight embrace.

He knew when Sirius opened his eyes, blushed and removed his arm. He knew when he went back to his bed, making sure none of his friends saw them sleeping together.

Remus knew.

* * *

He knew because Sirius was just _too Sirius._ He was too Sirius with his high cheekbones and sharp edges and his gorgeous grey eyes that turned a bit blue when the sun hit them and his messy bun held by his wand and his loud but soft laugh and the wrinkles that would appear around his eyes when he smiled with that big smile of his that Remus just loved too much to be healthy and his voice that was like velvet.

And he knew when his features were being touched by someone else and when his eyes were looking at someone else and when the reason of his laugh was someone else and when the wrinkles suddenly appeared because someone else had said something funny and when he smiled at someone else and he talked smoothly to someone else.

Remus knew.

* * *

He knew the first time they kissed. They were in the Astronomy Tower, just the two of them. James remained in the Common Room, chatting Evans up. Peter’s location was unknown, not that they cared much. In that moment, they just cared about each other.

They were doing nothing the moment it happened, just staring up at the starry, moonlit sky. It was the beginning of their final year at Hogwarts and the Marauders felt every day more nostalgic. They had decided to throw a party that made sure that the upcoming year, none of the remaining students would forget about them. The party continued, but Sirius and Remus agreed that they needed fresh air and together, they parted.

Remus was observing the waning crescent moon when he felt slow breathing on his neck. Remus snapped his head toward Sirius, who was sitting next to him, closer than just a few seconds ago. He was looking at him, his grey eyes almost black with desire. Like magnets, they kept moving closer until there was no space between them.

Their mouths collided; their tongues fought a battle over control. Sirius tasted of chocolate liqueur, cigarettes and _home._ His lips were a bit chapped but Remus wondered if he would ever get enough of them.

It was over sooner than Remus would have wanted or expected but then it started again and again and again. They spent the whole night discovering the addiction their mouths were for the other.

He knew when they went back to their dormitory late at night. Everyone was sleeping; James with a small smile on his face and Remus was sure that Sirius was also wondering how things with Lily had gone. He knew when they shared a last kiss, deep and significant as any other.

Remus knew.

* * *

He knew the first time they had sex. It happened just three days before the Full Moon. Remus was going crazy with lust now that he had someone that made his fantasies and needs feel _too real._ Their dormitory was miraculously empty and Remus and Sirius took advantage of it.

Their kissing reached a point in which their mouths were not enough. They both needed more. Remus’ hands travelled through Sirius’ whole body, carefully, as if he was a valuable and fragile piece of art. Sirius responded with his mouth, placing kisses everywhere. It was too much; Remus could feel the wolf inside him howl with desire, could feel himself groaning with pleasure.

Sirius looked at him, no grey left in his darkened eyes. He pleaded Remus to take him, to make him _his._ Remus complied, not wasting time. Their clothes disappeared with a swift movement of someone’s wand; they were not sure who did it, they seemed to be one.

He knew the moment he was inside Sirius, both moaning each other’s name. He knew because Sirius looked at him as if Remus was the piece of art, not him.

Remus knew.

* * *

He knew on their last day of school. Everyone was extremely emotional; even Sirius was crying, his bad boy façade being destroyed by the tears that were rolling down his face.

The Marauders (plus James’ girlfriend, nothing less than Lily Evans) were sitting on their favourite couch in the packed Common Room. James was reminding them of all their adventures and mischief together, of how Lily had despised them by that time and of how fond she was now of the four of them.

Nobody saw it coming, not even Remus. Sirius got up and walked towards him, grabbing his hands and pulling him up. He kissed him full in the mouth, in front of everyone else. For the space of a heartbeat, Remus’ eyes widened but then closed. Remus kissed the other boy back hungrily.

He heard Peter falling to the floor, Lily’s gasp and James’ triumphant exclamation. When they broke apart, their friends were all looking at them, wide smiles plastered on their faces. Remus couldn’t stop smiling himself. He didn’t care that everyone in the Common Room was now staring at the couple with shocked expressions.

He knew when they sat back down, now on the same couch, their legs entwined, making it impossible to know where started Remus’ and where ended Sirius’. He knew when Sirius’ whispered words reached his ears.

“I love you.”

Remus knew.

* * *

He knew the day his world ended. James, Lily and Peter were dead. Harry was an orphan. Sirius was their murderer, indirectly and directly. Remus was alone.

He knew as he watched Sirius’ picture staring at him from the Daily Prophet; his mane wild and his eyes like nothing he was used to. The sweet beam on them was gone for good.

He knew as he was surrounded by his depression, by his loss, by his grief. He knew as Remus hated himself because he _missed him._ He missed James, Lily, Peter and Harry. But he also missed Sirius. He missed his good morning kisses, his laugh, his smile, his velvety voice. He missed everything about him. He hated him for what he had done. At the same time, Remus still loved Sirius. He didn’t believe he would ever stop loving the man that had meant so much happiness once and now meant so much misery.

Remus knew.

Remus always knew that Sirius would be the one to break him.


End file.
